What this Blog is about.

Three months and 7 days ago my little sister, Maura, died of sarcoma--a rare form of cancer that attacked her mesenteric (her belly) for about a year. She fought with everything in her, up until the day she died. And she finally won on April 19, 2009. She was 22 years old. On June 23, she would have been 23. She was a beautiful (and I'm not just biased...she was stunning), loving, sweet, kind, talented opera singer. You were lucky to know her. I was lucky to be related to her. I was lucky to know she wasn't perfect.

I've tried writing about this, only to fail miserably. Even now, my computer keys get drenched with tears, but today I'm pressing on. Because I think there are others out there who have lost someone close to them. It doesn't matter if its a sister, a brother, a mother, a father, a grandfather, a child young or old, a second cousin, a best friend...living after--sucks. Sucks big sweaty bulls balls.

And there are people out there who haven't lost anyone, but they sympathize. Maybe this will help with empathy.

But if I have to live this, I have to write it. So, I will try my best to write my thoughts, my prayers, my pains, my joys--about what it means to live after. I will be honest. I will tell the truth as I am living it--and my mind changes a lot because everyday is different. Grief is a process. And I'm just at the beginning where the sorrow consumes me most of the day. So, forgive me whatever I say. I have grief-brain.

Hopefully this will help someone. Not get over it...I can't imagine that ever happening. But be able to wake up in the morning and know they're not alone. Even though the house feels empty and quiet and the phone rings and rings and no one ever answers. But you try it anyway. Or you leave facebook messages for someone who probably doesn't have a computer in Heaven. And you call little girls you babysit "Maura" instead of by their real name--oh wait, maybe that is just me. Either way, this blog is for you just as much as it is for me.